心痛 Heart Pain Heart Broken Sad

Recap: 17 Sep after my Activities Day, I concussed at godsister's house. The plan was to send her to work on 18 Sep on my way home to get my stuff for my swim classes.

1000: Godsister woke me up as she was having acute chest pains

She could not move. She was having difficulty breathing *STUN* I did not know what to do. We waited till she could breathe normally and can walk then I rushed her to Tan Tock Seng Accident and Emergency (A & E).

She was very weak when we arrived at A & E but we still had to queue. After a few measurements of her blood pressure, heart rate... she was immediately tagged and put in the queue to be WARDED (HOSPITALIZED).

I was not allowed to accompany her when she was undergoing heart rate (ECG) measurement. So I did not know she was queuing to be warded until someone informed me. By then I had been sitting outside at the waiting area for some time.

1400: I entered the restricted waiting area

The restricted area was a room with many hospital beds. On the beds were people waiting to be warded. I searched for my godsister and my heart froze when I saw her. Among the 20+ beds, she was the only one hooked up to a few machines. One machine was monitoring her heart rate and it was emitting a *beep* tone which corresponded to her heart beat. There were many tubes and wires coming out from the machines and attached to her body. It looked like a scene from the American TV series ER.

As I walked towards her, I could see that she had been crying. Her eyes were red and puffed. I used ALL my willpower to keep my tears from coming out of my eyes. I asked her what the doctor said and what she knew about her condition. The staff told me I had only 5 minutes. Heck. I did not care. I stayed for about 15 minutes. I wanted to stay with her but I could not as I had swim classes.

1415: I stepped out of restricted area

As I was walking out of A & E, I felt a strange "pull" in my heart. On my way driving home, my vision became blurred. The tears came out. It was uncontrollable.

1500: Reached home, packed stuff for swim classes

I was like a zombie, packing but kept thinking how helpless we were. One day you are fine, the next day for nothing suddenly you cannot breathe. I felt extremely helpless that I could not do anything and I was about to call the parents to cancel the swim class for their kids when one of the student's parent called me to confirm the swim class. Then I broke down. I cried. And I CRIED hard.

1600: Reached swimming pool

My eyes were a little red, slighty puffed and I was ready to chase after the two energetic kids who I could not handle. However, they were very obedient this time. I believe they could sense that I was SAD and even tried to cheer me up.

1700: End of 1st swim class

Godsister called me to say that there is not enough beds, so she cannot be warded. She was given EIGHT days MC and on the 8th day she was to go back hospital for more tests and observations.

1900: Reached another swimming pool for 2nd swim class
2000: End of 2nd swim class

I immediately went to her house to make sure that she is alright.

2300: Went home and immediately packed my clothes. I decided to stay with her at her place on Monday and Tuesday. I figured that the only way I could help her was to stay with her, give her my time... I will remember today. It has been a long time since I cried so hard.